Ahn yeu em!!

So.. The dragons might have been lions.... But anyway...

I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick this week! I tried to go to work on Tuesday but they sent me home... I had fever!!! I wrote it last time right? I never get fever... But this time I had! I have 36,4 C° in normal, but I had 37,8 C° at the most. And I asked, that's a fever! Haha! And I felt feverish... I was sweating so bad my sheet and cover was soaking wet.... And as I said, fever is there to get rid of germs!! And it did.. I love fever! All I have now is a soar throat and a clogged nose...  For the first time since I was 17 years old I was very sick! I'm always sick, but only with small colds and stuff... Not like this!!

I went home to Panda anyway this Friday. he made me a nice dinner with shrimps and rice with heart shaped candy on it! haha! So sweet panda!!

Love-food! <3

And one of my "brothers" came to sleep over. He was supposed to go to a "temple" on Saturday morning. We decided to go too. It was a room with a stage where they had put up an altar with Buddha and monks were chanting. It felt.... Weird... Since it was in Vietnamese and I don't know what they were praying for, I couldn't really pray. But it was a nice experience. And then I thought we were going home... But I forgot... They are Vietnamese... There isn't a Viet meeting that last only 2 hours... There HAD to be a show and a  concert too! ;) haha! For 7 hours all I heard was "blah blah blah blah" both in talking and singing... And yeah, I was the only white girl there.. There was a white man, but he left.. haha! OK I enjoyed it a bit, but listening to "blah blah blah" for 7 hours, only getting the word "thank you" is kinda boring....

Monks!

And I was really tired... But I tried to keep it up! Even thou, looking at pictures people took of me.. I look like a swollen zombie!! haha! At least this famous Viet superstar checked me out... ;) hahahaha! And I got two lucky coins!! I hope they give me luck... I need it!!
Then we went home... And I didn't get to see the movie I wanted to see... :( Men and their remotes...... But I got ice cream and chocolate! :D

And today, after I got home, me and Teddy studied a little more Vietnamese! I have realized I can't live with a Viet man without understanding a word... I will be bored to death or feel left out... Haha! I was thinking about finding a man with an easier language.. But naah, I love my little Viet Panda!! ;) <3

Me and Teddy studying hard!!

And this is what I have learned so far:

Xin chao!
Ten toi la Teri! Rat vui duoc gap ban! (Hard to pronounce as hell!!) Ban co khoe khong?

Cam on, toi khoe!

Tam biet!!

And of course: Vang! And just right now: Ngu ngon (not sure how to pronounce that thou..)

And what does this mean? Well... You can't know that can you?! haha! Yes you can, I will tell you.... It means;

Hello!
My name is Teri. Nice to meet you! How are you?

I'm fine, thank you!

Good bye!

Vang = Yes. And: Ngu ngon = sleep well ( I think!)

Oh and I forgot the most important words!!! Ahn yeu em!! I love you!! :)

Have to go to sleep now... Have a long day of work ahead of me tomorrow! Not fully recovered yet but I can't stay home forever!!

Pai pai!! XO // Teri

The year of the snake!

Vietnamese new year was nice! At first I was very nervous, but having Mary and Hanna there made me a bit calmer because then I could talk to them and also my "brothers" were there.
The celebration was fun! I really liked the dragons performing. I forgot to take pictures of them... But I really like dragons!! hehehe! And last year was the year of the dragon, and I suppose they were "chasing away the dragon for the new coming year" or something. I don't know, cause I don't speak Vietnamese.... But it was pretty and fun! They also had competitions, like singing and modeling. And different  shows from Vietnam, singing, dancing and such. And the food!!! I have no idea what I was eating!!! Haha! But it tasted good! :)

A slightly edited photo of me at the celebrations.

The reason I was nervous about going there is that in Vietnamese (Asian?) cultures you don't tell your parents about having a girlfriend basically until the day you are getting married or having children or wen it's getting really serious. And Asians talk... Allot! And I wanted to try not to appear as his girlfriend (even thou Mary told someone... But I think she was a friend of them all...) and I thought he was joking when he said his sister and mother was there but he DIDN'T!! Being told about to the parents is a big deal! So yeah, I was nervous... I was there as a "friend".. :) (My own choice!!)

Then we went to k-pop party. It sucked... The DJ sucked, the bar sucked, the place sucked (Looked like a prison, an old movie theater) and my head hurt and I was really tired and then my feet hurt because my shoes was killing me... I danced to the stupidly mixed music like a crazed baboon, couldn't take it serious.. Haha! The most fun I had at that party. Baboon.... And of course being with my lovely darling twin sister Liss!!! But I feel bad for making her day a bit bad, since I wasn't feeling that well... SORRY SIS!!!! <3
Partying after a week of sickness isn't the best idea I have ever had.... But at least I was sober!

Now I'm back home and I have hugged Daughter so much she is now officially sick of her mother! And now it's time for sleep. First day at "work" and kindergarten in a week tomorrow.

Pai pai!! // Teri <3

Yesterday I rushed to my Panda after leaving Daughter at my mum. The subway was reeeeeeealy slow.. Stood still most of the time... Then I had to rush to buy my Valentines gift! And finally I got there!
He had bought me gifts! Not one, but 3!

I got really happy! And I hope he got as happy from my gift to him! The coziest Teddy ever! (I was thinking of buying one for my self too! haha!)

And then we had Pizza! I know, not the romantic 3 course dinner as usual, but I don't need that much as long as I know I'm loved! And gifts doesn't show love, I know, but for him do do stuff like this is love enough for me! :) Makes me happy! Had cuddle time and then fell asleep in each others.... OK.... We fell asleep like normal people on each side of the bed, with the feet tangled  together.. ;) LOVE!!!

Woke up at 05.00 to go to work, but couldn't breathe, my throat was swollen, and thought; It's only one day left of this week and I have been sick all week, I can stay one more day at home... One hour later my mum called and said Daughter was coughing all night and didn't want to go to kindergarten... Just had to get up and go home... Bought half of the pharmacy and went home and my mom went to work.
I'm happy she has the best grandfather in the whole world who will still take care of her tomorrow when I'm gone to the New Years party and K-pop!
So.. Today I have to get ready! Do my nails and such.... Oh the nervousness!! It might seem like a small thing to you, but for me this is kinda big! I'd tell you why, but I don't think anyone would understand.... Maybe some other day!

Now I want to rest a bit...

Pai pai!! //Teri

We have been home sick all week... I went to "work" on Monday feeling a bit under the weather, and Daughter was feeling ill too, but we went anyway. Monday mornings can be a bit hard I thought... But after a while there I started to feel ill and dizzy, so I went home and got Daughter. She went to the neighbor to play for a while so I could rest. Slept for about 3 hours before they came with my new refrigerator! It's really good! Then after lunch I went back to sleep for an hour. Daughter came and said her head hurt. We both rested for a while, I fell asleep again for about 2 hours and when I woke up for dinner Daughter said again her head hurts. After dinner she had a fever...

Then we spent the next days sleeping and medicating. Today I feel better but Daughter is still coughing bad, so.. We stayed at home today too. I really wanted to go back to work.... But what can one do, sickness is something you can't ignore. I don't think I have ever slept this much as I have in these few couple of days! And I'm still tired...
The strange thing is, why don't I get a fever? I can be really sick but I never get a fever! Not even once in  10 years!! I believe fever is existing to "burn out" the bacteria. To help you get well. So why don't I get fever? Those who get fever may think I'm strange, but I want to have fever, to know there is nothing wrong with me! haha!

Today it's Valentines day! I'm going to Panda today as usual, and he said he got a present for me! Several days ago... It's been on my mind every day. "What can it be? What does it cost? What do I have to buy?" YES I feel like I have to buy things back if someone get me presents.... I'm weird... I know!
If you want to give me a present, don't tell me until you give it to me! haha! Or just give it to me....

I hope you all have a very lovingly Valentines day!!! LOTS OF LOVE to you!!!!

Pai pai// Yours truly, Teri!

Chúc mừng năm mới!

Happy new Lunar year!!! *Confetti and flags* ^_^

I wanted to celebrate new year and our 6 months anniversary with Panda yesterday (Saturday). Wanted to go shopping (Just to do something together) and then having dinner at a restaurant. But it all went bad.. He was in a bad mood because of family affairs and it got me in a bad mood and the whole day was in a bad mood... Then he said we should make dinner at home instead and we did, but ended up arguing instead of having a nice meal... We had a quick talk (After me having a temper fit!) and I think both of us got some things to think about.
I spent the night thinking and well... I still don't know what to do....

And I bought my self a new phone! I needed one and I wanted one. I bought an Xperia tipo. It was cheap and it's quite good. Now I can text ALL my friends and they can text me for free, thanks to some app I couldn't have on my old phone. It's fun with all the apps! I downloaded an app where you can learn the basics of different languages, like Vietnamese, Korean, Thai and German is the ones I downloaded! I haven't learned a bit yet.. Haha! I have such bad memory!

Oh and by the way... Panda and I made up of course! I'm amazed how he can still love me after all my temper fits! But I think (And hope) he get why I'm a bit upset... It's always on my mind, all the day every second. I know it's very selfish of me not wanting him to go... But I can't move with him even if I would love to move to Germany too! Go with him... I would love to...
Ja, ich mag Deutschland. Es ist, wo meine Familie Ursprünge sind. Ich würde gerne dort leben für eine Weile.
And I like speaking German even thou they would totally laugh at my pronunciation! xD I'm still learning!!!

This Saturday we are going to Viet new years party and k-pop as I have told before. And SHIT I'm nervous!! But happy to know at least one Swedish girl will be there too! haha! I won't be totally alone! I'm afraid people won't like me... Will treat me weird or think I'm bad for Panda in some way... I feel pressured to look good, act good and talk well. And I don't speak Vietnamese (Yet!? haha!). One week and I'm already preparing and planning. This feels like something big for me. Well not as big as meeting his parents. If that day comes... Wow, I will faint a few times a day before that! haha!

Now I will go play with my phonie!! Learning some basic Viet! haha! Yeah right.... I'll try at least.. ;)

Pai pai!! // Teri

Xin chao!

God damn that Candy Crush Saga game on Facebook! Addictive game....

I'm such a bad girlfriend... (But I think many would do the same thing!) Not supportive at all... Just crying and screaming, "Don't leave me! I'll do anything!" But if he want to go.... He will go... And I have to let him go... But until that, I'll try to be a better girlfriend!

Apparently we are going to celebrate Vietnamese/Chinese new year the 16th of February, going to a private party full of Vietnamese people. A bit scary actually... But he almost begged me, so I have to go! haha! I have a feeling I will feel very lonely, even if there is SOME people I know there. Well he promised not to leave me alone for very long moments. ;)
And then there will be k-pop all night long. K-pop club (nonstop) in Stockholm, right after the Viet new years party!
"Dress nicely" he said... -___-' What's nice in Vietnam? haha! I have to go shopping.... And get my nails done!!! :O And dye my hair!! Wow the pressure.....

I have such a strong pain in my neck and shoulder right now I feel like crying. And I always manage to carry heavy stuff or play too rough with the children, like today, I threw one kid over my shoulder... Big mistake! I can't even carry my handbag!!! If it doesn't get better in two weeks I'll go see a doctor. Maybe...

Today I got a call from my landlord! I will get a new refrigerator and fridge and new cabinets in the kitchen!! *Yeay* Finally! I have lived here for about 7 years soon and nothing is new. I will also get new wallpapers soon, I hope! haha! I will feel even more happy when the apartment is fresh and clean. Not like now, like a dump.. Wallpapers coming off and looking hideous...

Time is ticking, I have to take my soar neck and go to sleeeeep.....

Pai pai!! //Teri

FUCK!!!!!

If you love someone, you have to let them go. Isn't it so?
Tomorrow it's been 6 months with Panda. And maybe 6 moths is all we get...? I don't want to be the one who stand in the way of someones dreams or possibilities, and I won't. But my heart is screaming "I LOVE YOU!! DON'T GO!!"
He says I don't have to cry, it's not decided yet. But it feels like he is saying nice things and doing nice things just to keep me happy until he goes. Just yesterday I told my friend "I can finally see a future with someone, a future with him." And a few weeks ago I told another friend "I'm just waiting for that bomb to drop on me. The one that always comes when I'm happy and feeling good and in love." BOOM there it is...

I have been crying so much my T-shirt is wet... I just have to process this.... IF he goes, witch means we have to break up since I can't go with him, I will never ever be able to love again. Not for a very long time. That bastard really stole my heart.... Having marriage- and pregnancy dreams (HEY! I don't want to get married or have children. But I had a dream about it!) and being happy, both in the dreams and in reality when thinking about it. It never happened before. Fuck the dude just made me laugh for real for the fist time in a very very long time! I'm happy!! And now...

I'm not going to push him to stay, I'm going to encourage him. I don't want him to stay because of my own ego. But I hope he stays, that HE decides to stay on his own. I really do... I can't deny that. I will try not to unconsciously affect him, but since I don't want him to go, I probably will in some way....

Have to try to sleep now... Have to get up early..

Pai pai.... /Teri

My 50th post!

But I can't celebrate... I can't sleep. My stomach and chest is burning with worry and my hands are shaking. Not to talk about my brain going crazy! I have trust issues again....
It's strange how one fucking lie can fuck you up so much!

Thinking back, all the memories, all the hurting, all the pain, all the anxiety... Re-living it again... It's not fun and I don't want to!!! I can't trust anyone, not even my self sometimes.... I just want to cry, but this time I won't let my self do that.
This time, if this person is willing to fight to regain my trust, I will not cry! Instead I will try. I want to trust... But... One lie makes me think "What else is there that have been lies? Is ***** lying about something else? Have ***** done something ***** is lying about?" Well you get the picture.... Just one lie does this to me.. Just ONE!! One person is lying and I can't trust anyone!!
I have serious trust issues!!!

I want to tell you about something funny that happened... Last Thursday I was at Panda's and we were fooling around and playing, wrestling and stuff, in the bed when suddenly I thought there was a child laughing somewhere in the room. Surprised to find out it was me who was laughing! It was such a long time ago hearing my own real laughter I didn't even recognize it my self! I have gotten used to this fake laughter I have, almost thinking it was my real laughter, the way it was supposed to sound now. That's why I got so surprised. Sounding like a kids laughter and I was thinking about chattering birds, made me happy! Happy by hearing my own laughter! Haha!

Maybe I am as strange as people say (Mostly in a good way!?).. Ke ke ke! ^_^

But the same night as hearing my happy laughter, I got panic attacks... I was fighting them all night... Didn't sleep much... It's strange how the mood can change so fast!
The body is a mysterious thing, the BRAIN is a mysterious thing!! I don't get my brain at all!!! Do you?

Well I have too pee real bad now... And maybe try to get some sleep anyway. At least try some more....

Paaai paaaaaaaiii!! XOxo /Teri