I got bitten!!!

OK so here is the first try of my vampire bite in my wrist! I think I kinda failed it... I didn't find the stuff I needed until after I was done...

I didn't have time to make it more perfect since we had to go to mum. I will make another try soon. The picture looks better than in reality! ;) It's not that hard to do, it just takes time and patience... I don't have patience.. haha!
But it's still on! It lasts very good!! Only the blood have started to flake off, but I have a long sleeve sweater on.

Let's make another try!! :D

Pai!

Vaaaampire~~

I have started to blog only every other day it seems.. But sometimes I don't have the energy to write. I'm really tired nowadays... But still full of energy! Really weird..

Yesterday I went to the doctor! I was really confused yesterday, I got there an HOUR EARLY!!!! And so I went to have breakfast in the cafeteria for a while. When I was done at the doctor's office I had to go leave some blood samples... But when I got there I couldn't do any tests cause I had BREAKFAST!! *Sigh* I will come back another day, maybe tomorrow.. But I can't eat in 12 hours...

Today we have done nothing. Have the washing machine running and later on we will go to my dear mother and have dinner!! :D
Then I just have to survive Wednesday and THEN: Halloween party at Fried Rice Scandinavia in Café Opera - Stockholm!! Lots of nice people and nice costumes! :D I will be a schoolgirl! At first I wanted to be a vampire schoolgirl, but the teeth didn't want to stick... So I might be a vampire VICTIM instead.. ;)
I will try some makeup, bite marks and so on, tonight.. :)

Maybe, if it goes well, I will do a tutorial or at least take a photo.. ;)

The laundry is almost done and I have to get dressed! I'm not really hungry yet, but I hope I will get hungry before we go!

Bai!

My soul is like a wingless bird, 

my heart is like a drum without a sound, 

my mind is like a painting without a picture....

I am here, but I'm nothing without you!

Pjuh....

Yesterdays test was embarrassing... I only knew one out of 80 questions on the math part!! And you had to fill in all the answers. I was like: "Maybe B here.. This looks like a C! Hmm... Maybe an A here? E feels good on this one..." But the verbal part in Swedish and English went fine. I had to guess on some but overall I think it went fine!
Afterwards I went to the store and bought candy and then I went to get Daughter! We had cozy snuggle time with movies and candy all night! She fell asleep at 22:30 (10:30 p.m) with me in my bed and both cats. I fell asleep shortly after.

Today Daughter and her friend have helped me clean the apartment by making a mess! Haha! And they still make a mess after I have cleaned...

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor! To try to get a referral to a counselor. But right now I feel kinda fine and a counselor seems a bit unnecessary right now, but I know I have to cause I will get worse again and I need help. To sort out all the things in my head....

I was thinking about writing down my toughs in my head during about.. Hmm.. Maybe 5 minutes, so that you can understand a bit what's going on in my head and laugh about my stupid head! What do you think about that? I think it might be fun.. I did it for a while during the test when I was done and there was time left... It was everything between flying giraffes and Big Bang! ^_^

Maybe later today. I have to write them down on paper first! :)

Hay! You haven't forget to check out my Dayviews for more pictures? Would you like more pictures on the blog?

WOW! Fantastic baby!

It's kinda late and I should be sleeping. I have to get up really early tomorrow.... I don't know what to do with the test tomorrow.. I feel 55 x 2 minutes with math will kinda kill me.... I don't know ANY math.. I suck at math... I will sit and draw for 2 hours.... And no coffee... And you can't eat or drink during the test!

But I have something good to tell you!! After trying to get tickets for several hours, almost giving up, we heard they were giving a second concert on Friday 14th!! And guess who GOT TICKETS!?!?! WE DO!!! All 7 of us got tickets!! I'm so happy! And so tired of all the stress.... It feels so unreal! I am going to see Big Bang, live!! In Wembley stadium - London. I don't think I can believe it until I'm actually there. BIG BANG!!MY Big Bang! T.O.P and Daesung and G Dragon and Taeyang and Seungri... In real life! I will breath the same air as them, be in the same room as them... Wow....

It will be amazing! I heard the show is spectacular. And the live videos I have seen confirms it! Even thou we will be kinda far away from the stage it's totally worth it! Well I'm kinda old... And I have to sit anyways... ;) haha! And it's not THAT far from the stage, we will still be able to see them, I think... I don't actually know how big Wembley is, but I heard it's kinda huge!!

This is from the Singapore show! Filmed by Seungri, and yes they are also promoting Samsung Galaxy S III. Haha! But hey, where do you think they get all the money from? ;)
T.O.P's moves.. Hahahaha! I love them.. ^_^ Fantastic Baby!!

Now I have to go to bed...

Bye!

:'(

We didn't get any tickets.... I wil cry like hell tonight.... I'm almost crying right now....
But... They might reease more tickets further on...
But, I don't know... Maybe I'll go buy some shoes instead...

OMG I just had a total Deja vu´ experience!! I have dreamed this, writing that exact words in this exakt apartment on this exact computer with this exact feeling!! Scary....

New shoes is needed....
I have cleaned Pandas kitchen and bathroom... I fogged up the window in the livingroom! haha! But now I don't have time to do more, he have to dom SOMETHING on his own... ;) I have to go home cleaning my own kitchen now! AND STUDY!! Haven't had any time for that.... -__-' Oh I will fail so hard!!

Have to go! PAI!!

GAAAAHH!!!!!

I'm blogging from Pandas house! :D
He is at work and I'm sitting here all alone waiting for the tickets to be released. 25 minutes left....
Then, if I get a ticket I will celebrate by claning Pandas apartment... ;) Haha!

Yesterday I went to Stockholm to meet up with Joss and A for some lunch and "shopping"! It was really nice and even thou it was cold I think I smiled all the time! When Panda finnished work I met up with him. Got a text from mum "Your brother isn't comming for dinner, stay with "Panda"!" Had a bit bad consience but at the same time I got happy. I wasn't prepared thou and had to buy underwear! And I have no makeup here... At least I have a brush.. Haha! And a toothbrush!!

10 minutes left....

Yestrday the first snow came. And every one was like: "OMG SNOW! NOW!? WHY!?!?"
Well I'll tell you why...

WE LIVE IN FRICKIN' SWEDEN!!

Last year the snow came 2 weeks erlier than this year... And it all melted away today... That's how it will be for a few days, maybe weeks, now... Just get used to it!

Maybe I have to get dressed soon.... The weather is nice outside, thou I think it's very cold!!

The e-key isn't working correctly on Pandas computer and some keys are loose... Haha! The ,-key is missing!! haha!

4 minutes left.... I have butterlies.. No EAGLES in my stomach...
3 minutes.... I need to go to the bathroom, but I can't...
2 minutes...Need to text Liss...
1 minute... Gangnam Style is playing on the radio.....
NOW!!!!! THEY ARE RLEASED NOW!!!! Keeping my fingers crossed....... XXXXXXXXXXX

I need info.. What is happening...? But only 3 minuts have passed... I think she will call och send a text... I wonder if I wil cry as I did a year ago, when we bought the tickets to Music Bank!
THIS IS BIGGER THAN MUSIC BANK!!!

THIS IS BIG BANG!!!!!

Omg... Please say something....
I'm dying here....

Mum is texting me saying it's snowing at home! Daughter will be happy! :) Me, I don't like cold... And snow is cold...

Oh god say something!! I need to go to the toilet!!! Taking the phone with me.... :P

I'm done.. Haven't heard anything yet... This is like a live update, only you will read it later! haha!
I'm loosing hope.... I will not get a ticket....
Got an update... The paige is overloaded.. You can't do anything...Ina (I tink? Or Pei?) have come to "pick amount of tickets" but can't get further... I wish I hade skype on this computer!!
More updates: It might be a second concert!! The paige is... Like loading all the time cause of the amount of people trying to get tickets... V.I.P's are hardcor fans! They will KILL for a ticket.. ;) haha! And I'm a V.I.P!!
Ok.. Another friend says it's SOLD OUT.... :'( Hu hu hu.... But if there is another concrt maybe..... MAYBE... Gaah I'm dying...
Nothing...... Nothing.... No one is saying anything.....
My friend got a ticket for him and his friend... That means they are not sold out at least!!
I cant even eat my yoghurt.... My stomach hurts.... I'm trying to keep my hope up... But....

I won't be able to se this I think.... Don't know if I should start crying now...
I'm proud of the warroirs, trying to get us tickets!! Even is they don't.. I will be proud and thoughtful!

Well.... I think I have to close this for now and start cleaning and then go home and cry....


Pai pai....

Proud!!!

I don't want to be this guy's neighbor! Haha!'

Thou it's a very awesome Halloween light setting! ^_^ Oppan Gangnam style~

Yesterday was a very confusing day! If my mother hadn't called me and told me to leave Daughter with her husband I would have forgotten that I was supposed to help out with the inventory at H&M!! I didn't remember a thing yesterday, I'm amazed I got dressed!! I don't even remember what I did until mum called me.

Today I'm very very proud of my self!! I did something I thought I would never do. I went to the dentist ALONE and repaired a hole in my tooth! I was supposed to do two... But the anesthetic (thank Buddha for auto correct! haha!) didn't quite set on me. When he started drilling I screamed: IIIIIIIHHHH!!! And he had to get another needle of anesthetic (Yeay I maded the spelling!) and then we had to wait another 10 minutes for it to settle, and since it took allot of time we didn't have time to fix the other one...
Before we started, when he put the first needle of anesthetic in and I had to wait, I was feeling sick and dizzy. I thought I was going to puke or fall of the chair.. haha! I was so nervous! BUT I MADE IT!!!
And the dentist is really nice. He said it was probably due to bad sedating I had been in pain before and that was the cause of my fear. I don't remember much from the dentist before, just that I'm terribly afraid... Pain and the drill and the mean mean lady... Maybe he is right!

I will come back in a few weeks to fix the other one. He also noticed another tooth that was damaged... I feel my trip to London getting further and further away.. Bye bye money!! But HEY! I can chew on my right side now for the first time in months!! :D

WOHO! It's midnight! I can buy refill for my phone now!! No texting or calling for a whole day... It almost killed me! haha!
DONE! Now I can sleep!

I'm very happy now, tomorrow I might get to meet Panda for at least an hour and on Saturday he will come here! I'm so much in love! :) Very happy to have him. Loving, supporting and wonderful! The best ever!!
I have to study a bit tomorrow and find time to clean the apartment tomorrow and on Friday! On Saturday I'm taking the Collage exams... Wow... I will totally fail the math test... Haha!

Now it's time to sleep!

Pai pai!!

Fighting!!

Is it me who have super high expectations on today's modern technology in movie making or is the movies getting worse..? Why does the special effects look like a video game? I just saw "Abraham Lincoln - Vampire slayer" and I almost cried from the bad affects... It ruined the whole movie!!!!
I do understand they want to make cool movies.. MOVIES!!! Not video games!!! But try to make them more realistic then instead of messing the whole movie up with bad effects! Geeeez!!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaahh....!!! xD

My day started out really really bad... But it got better! First my mother called and said she wanted to help me, then my Mary called and just talked and then I called Panda but he was on the bus and didn't hear anything and will call later.
I'm so lucky to have such wonderful family and friends who care about me so much! Truly blessed!

I will fight to get well! OK? For the sake of my daughter and my family and friends! And my own of course... ;)

Now it's time for re-runs! :)

Pai!!

My weekend.

Now I'm going to tell you about my wonderful weekend!
On Friday I got to my Panda after a nice day on town with Tindra and pizza-lunch. Panda had made me dinner! It was super delicious!! Suddenly people decided to go out clubbing. The place we used to go to was closed, but we found another place. It was OK, bad music...We got home early! :)

On Saturday we woke up a bit tired, but we got up and went to the store to play Lotto and went to the mall. Didn't buy anything but it was really nice just to walk around. Then we got back home to get ready for the evening dinner at our friends house, my Mary and Tina. Mary made an improvised Hotpot and it was awesome!! Me, Panda, K, Tina and Mary ate and had wine 'till we were really full. Then we got ready to go out for Thai Karaoke at Tiger!! Me and Mary got a bit... Drunk.. But we all had a really fun time, I hope! Tina and K went home early thou.... But we sang and had a great time!
Got home late, almost slept on Pandas shoulder on the way home and when we got home we got straight to bed. But before we fell asleep we heard a loud bang! Didn't go check it out, to tired....

The next morning we found one of Pandas frames who stood in the window had fallen down. Don't know how... But Panda had to leave to fix his car and since I was going home that day I stayed and got ready. It was sad to say good bye after such a lovely weekend. I was so happy all the time!

Today I felt like being struck by a professional boxer in my self confidence... I don't have the energy to keep fighting any more, I give up... Maybe it's for the best.... I don't know how I will make it through this day without crying all the time and I have lots of stuff to do.... I have 2 movies to see with Daughter. I hope she will like it. I have to make as much out of this time with her now.

But first it's time for lunch!

Bai....

I'm still ALIVE! I'm still ALIVE!!!!

YEAY! I don't have to shoot myself!! :D I have the best brother in the world I tell ya! THE BEST!!
If I hadn't had such a wonderful brother I would have to sell my kidney on the black market (Trust me, I would do it!!) cause I HAVE to see them!!!

Now I have to start saving money! I already have.... *counting* 50 Sek... That's 1/7 of the plane ticket to go there! ;)
We leave on Friday and I will get back on Sunday (Even thou it's a more expensive ticket that day, the others go home on Monday with a cheaper ticket!) because I have "work" on Monday and I have to get home to Tindra.... Feels a bit... Like burning in my wallet, but I have to! I don't need to eat when I'm there.... Maybe some cheap bread or something,... haha!

Apparently my plane ticket will cost 1024 Sek just because I go home on Sunday.... :( The others will pay about 801 Sek to go home on Monday...

SO My dear family and friends reading this.... What I want for (EARLY) X-mas present is MONEY for traveling and food! Nothing else!!

I got stuck looking for hostels.... Any tip where you can live very cheep in London?!?!? Give it to me!! :)

Have to go eat something,... Again.. ;)

PAI!!!

I will go shot myself now!

I think I will go shoot myself right now... My friends are planning and happy on Skype and I can just sit there and read it all and cry....
Big Bang ins coming to London and I have no money... BIG BANG!!! It's like a dream come true! if I get to see them I can die happy... I will never ever ask for anything else in my whole life! Damnit I would even sell my own mother to see them!! (yes I have told her that...) But... The ticets are 1000 Sek and are released on the 26th.. I get 1247 Sek on the 27th... Yeah I'm fucked and even if I got the money on the 26th I cant feed my daughter for a month... I can gladly starve for 2 months to be able to see them, but she can't....

It was nice talking to you and knowing you all.... I have to go find a gun now.. Bye....

Funny news title!

Sometimes the news of the world makes me laugh like crazy!! Today in a Swedish newspaper:

"Police mistook blind man for Samurai!
A blind man in Chorley in the UK, last Friday was on his way to his friends when he was attacked by a gang of football hooligans. He thought. In fact, it was the police who fired on him with a stun gun, believing that his white cane was a samurai sword.

- I go at a snail's pace. They had been able to walk past me, running past me and just said "Drop your weapon," said Colin Farmer to The Guardian newspaper.

Police in Lancashire have apologized and is investigating the incident. The real wanted man with the real samurai sword could be arrested on the same day."

Translated with Google translate and "corrected" by me... That's why there might be some... Weird... Grammar..
This made me laugh so much! I started real hard when I read the title only. Sometimes the police are real stupid! But I'm glad we have them. They do a good job, most of the time! ;)

Today I'm making bread! I hope it goes well. The yeast had "best before" yesterday... We'll see!

Why I don't like girls!

Why do you even bother to reply my Facebook status trying to bully me when you can't handle being bullied back? It's like... "I can fuck you, but you can't fuck me" but when I do... And trust me, I will do it... It's like I am the one being mean... I will never understand bullying... *Sigh* And they wonder why I hate people? And girls...

I am going to tell you why I don't like girls....

• Girls are bitchy....
• Girls are fake...
• Girls are bitchy fake...
• Girls are fake bitches...
• Girls apparently doesn't settle with drama on TV, they also like real life dramas....
• Girls like making dramas...
• Girls gossip....
• Girls talk behind your back...
• Girls talk behind your back, literary!! (They stand behind you and backtalk you..)
• Girls are drama-queens...
• Girls don't have a sense of humor...
• Girls can't take a joke...
• Girls can't handle irony...
• Girls are always holding grudges...
• Girls likes to pick a fight (But are often too scared to actually fight!)
• Girls are always envious of other girls...
• Girls want to be the prettiest and sexiest and have the hottest guys... Instead of brains...
• Girls thinks being a slut is sexy...
• Girls thinks being stupid is sexy...
• Girls can't discuss without being offended...
• Girls can offend others, but cries when they get offended...
• Girls always get jealous of other girls... And start dramas.. And getting bitchy and offend people... And then they cry when someone defends them self... And walk away with a grudge and backtalk people...

Well yes these are some of the reasons why I don't like girls... Can I tell this to Daughter when she asks me "Mum, why do you have only guy friends?"

Well I have lady friends too! But they are special, they are REAL! Not fake... And they are kinda like me, like guys better too! ^_^  

And I have to tell you.... Girls don't like me either... haha!

Is this for real?

Wow, it feels like I'm dreaming! I got another call today, to come to an interview for a substitute teacher pool. I guess as kindergarten teacher, or why not a preschool teacher? It would be fun! ^_^ And it sounded like they were really interested (and they said they were!). This day has been amazing so far! And the sun is shining, even thou I'm inside. But we took a walk after kindergarten and walked by the sea and to the stable to pet the horses. Autumn is nice with pretty colors but also pretty cold! I don't like cold...

Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket today! If I had the money for it.... Haha!
Uhmm.. I want Friday now... So I can go see my Panda.... And K, and My Mary, and all the others! :) I need hugs! Lost of hugs!! :) Daughter is busy playing in her room with the door closed and I can not disturb.... :( No hugs right now...

My mother will be over soon, i have to clean the kitchen a bit... ;)

Pai pai!

Title...

I like my social service lady! ^_^ "Well.. OK, we do it like this.. Just hand in the dentist bills and I'll fix it" Haha! Fiddling at a high level. Well not exactly, she is just covering for my stupidity. And I like that! :) Not like all the other grumpy bastards working in the social service, she actually want to help me!

I have muscle soreness in my legs today. I guess my arms, back and stomach was better in shape than my legs.. But that's kinda strange tho. Because I walk  and dance and stuff, so my legs should be well trained! haha! The body is a strange thing indeed... And I'm starting to feel my back muscles too, that's nice! :)

Too bad I feel really bad today. My throat is sore and I feel really week again... I WANT TO GET WELL!!!

I had a nice breakfast thou! Semolina porridge (Mannagrynsgröt in Swedish. I actually had to look that up!) and a boiled egg.

And I just got a call from my employment service contact! I'm starting work practice at a Montessori kindergarten soon! :D And I could choose to practice in class too if I wanted. It was kinda tempting, but I don't know if I would be a good teacher and I think kindergarten fits me better. And I really like the Montessori method too, so I think it will be great!
Need all experience I can get!

Gaah I feel like I'm about to faint every time I cough... Maybe I should rest for a bit. Didn't get much sleep last night. Was supposed to go to bed early but had to help and plan stuff with my friend in need!
I found a new position to sleep in that makes me more comfortable and secure, like a baby! haha! Pressed up against the (clod) wall and stuffed with pillows in front of me. I use about 1/3 of my bed and it's actually kinda small!! Haha! But it puts me to sleep so I'm happy! ^_^

He ain't perfect, but he's worth it....

There is so much love!! Love makes me happy! And happy makes me love! Just spoke to my Panda for about 1,5 hour.... I don't know exactly cause I dropped my phone and it restarted/broke... I forgot I had the charger in (Again!) and walked away.. The phone stayed... -___-' I don't know how I can be so stupid at times.
Anyway... We haven't talked since Saturday evening. I missed his voice... And when he called today and we talked about lots of serious stuff and also laughed allot, makes he happy!

I want to tell you a bit about my Panda... If you haven't figured that out yet he is my boyfriend! <3 The first guy ever I had a relationship with that I truly trusted from the start (even thou my mind is still stupid and destroyed by other guys..). Why? My guts tell me to... And I trust my guts, they're always right!! And with him I can really be ME! He is just like me, childish and playful. And I love that! And he doesn't make much fuss about love and feelings, but the small things he does.. I totally love them! :) Even if he doesn't tell me all the time (Like I do, clingy girlfriend! haha!) I know he likes me very much! I can just feel it.. :)
And he might not be perfect, but he is worth it. The only bad thing he does to me is making me miss him for many many days.. Haha! It's hard missing people.... And I miss many....

Ad so, I would like to dedicate this song to him right now. I heard this and in an instant I thought of him!! Tray Songz - Simply Amazing. Enjoy!!

It's a really good song! :) For a love song!!! ;)
There is really only one love song that I like.. Or I love it! And that's the song I will dedicate to my one true love, THE ONE.... When I'm sure he is the one.. ;) Or she? Well you get it...

I think my cold is getting better! I had a soar throat this morning, but overall I'm feeling much better. Not as tired and more energetic. I even worked out today! First time in many months... I took it slow, 30 minutes and very simple. Since I have been sick for almost 9 weeks now and haven't worked out in a while. And I'm not fully well either.... But it was fun! Tomorrow I might go for a powerwalk and let my body "rest" for a day before I'm stepping up the workout! Every other day real workout, and rest exercise... And every other weekend, sexercise.. ;) Hahahahaha!

Wow I'm getting tired.. And hungry.... Eat something and go to bed! I have to stop with my midnight snacking. It's not good for my sleep! haha!

Pai pai!

Words...

Knowing what is right or wrong is the easy part.... 

The hard part is saying it out loud...

Horse!!

Nothing is happening.... I have nothing to write about....
I'm mad, both at myself and some one else. Bot very unnecessary... I think too much and too little. Yesterday I was trying to draw. 2 good papers to waste... I felt nothing. Nothing came out. And yes, I draw my feelings. Without feelings I can't draw... Well I can't anyway, but at least I get inspiration from my feelings! haha!

I have my movie theme horses right now, and today I watched "The horse whisperer". I love that move, but oh how watching many movies ruins the enjoyment. I'm just looking for movie-mistakes.. "that's not the same horse, that horse had a blaze, not a star!" And "that rope was taken off, now it's there again.." Not to talk about War horse!! haha! "That's  not the way a horse would react! That would kill a horse! A horse doesn't jump over tanks..." And so on.... Ooops hope I didn't spoil anything there!
Anyway... Robert Redford... Wow... He is really attractive for a guy his age!! His smile and his eyes.. Wow...

Well back in 1998 he was handsome! Now, not so much.... Hahaha!

And now I have to find the movie Seabiscuit and then my horse theme is over. Any ideas for the next theme? I was thinking werewolf, but that's not fun since EVERYTHING now is about werewolves and vampires... Zombies maybe? But are there any GOOD zombie movies? Well see what it 'll be. Now.. I'm hungry again....

Pai pai!

I maded sushi!! :D

Yesterday was such a good day! I made sushi for my dear friend (Daughter had noodles and salmon since she doesn't like sushi.) and we had some wine. Talked all night, and E got tired since she isn't like me, a child of the night. Haha! And since we had talked about ghosts she didn't want to sleep on the couch and ended up sharing bed with me. Witch was kinda cozy. I fell asleep at once! Maybe that's what's missing in my life, someone to share a bed with! :)

My sushi!

And today E dressed up Daughter as a princess! She has a son and wanted to do girly stuff for once! ;) She brushed Daughter's hair, braided it, painted her nails och dressed her up in a cute dress! But she had to go home today... A bit sad, I miss her already!

I decided to continue my movie theme Horses! I have seen: Warhorse, Spirit - Stallion of the cimarron and Hidalgo. Today I'm going to see The horse whisperer! And I would like to see Black Beauty and Seabiscuit too! Anyone have any good tips about some good horse movies?

I don't know what to when I'm all alone.... Internet is even getting boring.. And I have no cleaning left to do.. Well maybe a little... But that's no fun... Maybe draw a little?

Done!!

I'M DONE!!!! I'm done cleaning!! Finally.. My back is hurting..... And while waiting for the floors to dry I write this... Oh yeah....  But I forgot what I was supposed to write about...

Util I figure that out I can tell you something that made me happy! At first I got sad... But now I'm happy!
Panda was supposed to come here this weekend, today, but got called in for work... :( But!! instead my lovely dear sweet friend Elida is coming here, and she has a bag-in-box with her.. ;) OH YEAH!!
Yes I will be drinking while daughter is at home and no I won't get dead drunk..... I'm so happy!! It was like forever (Felt like a teenager while writing that!!) since we last saw each other and spent some quality time together! <3

I want to take a shower.... Maybe I should do that before going to the store, but then I have to go with wet hair.... Hmm.... I need a hairdryer.. I need lot's of stuff! haha! Like.. A million dollars!!! Oh yeah~~~

Well I can't figure out what I was supposed to write and the floor is almost dry so I have to go get ready!

Pai pai!

How I clean!

I always liked Google Chrome more than Firefox... But now I'm starting to hate Chrome.. Just sayin'...

I'm going to tell you why it takes me 3-4 days too clean my apartment...

This is how I clean, in 10 simple steps:

Step 1: Tear all you can find that you think is in the way, dirty, garbage or something you are putting away in a big pile the middle of the room.
Step 2: Sit down and sort things out. Ignore sentimentality... Or at least try... Throw away stuff you have been saving for more than 3 years and never used during these years. EVERYTHING!!
Step 4: Read step 3...
Step 3: Go back to step 4..... JUST KIDDING!! Step 3: Throw stuff away and put the things you're saving in their places.
Step 4: The REAL step 4: Take everything down from the shelves and use a duster and a wet rag to wipe it off. Put everything back, well dusted!
Step 5: Facebook....
Step 6: Go to the next room and repeat step 1 to 5...
Step 7: Trying not to refurnish EVERYTHING, just take a small thing in time.. Sometimes I refurnish as step 1.... Don't forget the dishwasher!!!
Step 8: Going crazy because it looks even worse now!!!! Facebook....
Step 9: Putting things back where they should be...
Step 10: Vacuums and mop the floors.... DONE!!

And my mind is always drifting away, I forget sometimes what I'm doing and the computer is REALLY distracting.... That's why it takes 3 or 4 days for me to clean my 60 square meter apartment....

I have 2 rooms left now, kitchen and bathroom, they are the fastest to do! ;) But now I have to get ready to go to my mum... Mum.. <3 I love my mum!! ^_^ It's dinner time!

Pai pai!

I'm a stupid f*ck!!

For real.. How stupid can I get?
Today when I was in the laundry room and was supposed to throw some clothes in the dryer:

I throw them at the dryer, they bounce back down into thew laundry basket... I look at the clothes.. Look at the dryer... (Time went by.............) It's closed... The hatch was closed.... I just stood there like a dumb nut for 30 seconds before realizing the hatch was closed.... Oh how stupid I felt....

Where's my brain at?

Put random title here....

I didn't die at the dentist!! I'm actually kinda proud of my self even thou every time the door into the examination room opened adrenaline ruched through my body in fear when I was waiting outside! haha! But I found out I also have cavities in another tooth and need to fix two teeth... In 2 weeks.... Alone.... The first time in my entire life I'm going to the dentist alone.... I don't want to, so if anyone is free the 24th October you are more than welcome to follow me to Bromma!!! I'll even pay you.. Or something... Just don't let me go alone!!!!!!! Please? m(_ _)m <-- Me begging... 

And today I told my mother about my weekend (Even thou I think she reads my blog?) and she asked me: "Why are you so aggressive when you go out" (Told her about the "fight" and hard style "move people away dance") And I thought about it.... I have lots and lots of built up aggression in my body, just waiting to explode. I told a friend before: "I'm just waiting  for the day someone tries to mug/rape me so that I can kill that person and claim self defense..." And yes I am afraid of myself... Afraid that I'll explode when having my daughter close, that I'll do something bad to her, not being able to control myself. And I have nothing to take out that aggression on... Except hardcore dancing and bar fights! haha!

Wow I really like this song playing on the radio, David Guetta - Play hard. Except for the Dj MangooEuro-shit mix part... He is a stupid f*ck.... (Never EVER have sex with a DJ.. Just a tip!)

The lady with the apartment haven't answered my e-mails... Not even a single "Fuck you, I changed my mind..." Makes me sad, I was hoping a bit.... I really really NEED to move! I need to have my friends within at least a 30 min radius. And I need a job, I need people around me, even if it's a stranger on the bus or a crowd in the subway (involuntarily hugging!! <3).

My teeth feels strange... And shiny! :D I think I have to eat something, again... 3rd dinner! haha!
And if anyone would like to buy a cold with slimy coughing, golf ball thick tonsils and a runny nose you can have it for any price, just take it! You can have it for free if you want to!!

I was going to see a movie.. Where did the movie go? Well I have to put it ON right? Or maybe sleep...? No, move makes my brain sit like a child in front of a good cartoon, still and quiet... ;)

Have to go.. Pai pai!

Insomnia...

Since I can't sleep anyway and my brain is working on overload, I downloaded... I mean, I rented a movie! War Horse, since I felt like crying (like I haven't done that enough! haha!) AND I made my self some nice hot broth with two cloves of garlic and some hot Thai chili sauce! Tastes good! I love garlic, but not the way I smell after! haha! But... The garlic is for curing my cold. YES I am desperate and I'm trying everything right now. The Chinese cold medicine works, but only if you keep having it and I cant afford to buy it every other week... 120 Sek.... For almost 2 weeks... Maybe 1,5...
I even bought Ginger candies!! I hate ginger!! But I have to admit they taste kinda good actually.... That Thai shop is my rescue in the hellhole! Pocky! <3 And juckey sweet yell-o candies! <3 And I'm going to try those shrimp chips too! And maybe force them to take home some Korean and Japanese stuff too... ;)

Well now it's movie time! Tomorrow I'm going to the dentist.... I'm going to die.. DIE I TELL YA!!!!

Pai pai!

Just have to....

I just have to write this down... Because, whatever comes to my mind...... Yeah you know.

YOU need to step up to yourself, get your shit together. Pick yourself up from the ground, stand up.. Look around you. What do you have in front of you? Who/whom is by your side always? Who/whom loves you always? What do you have to feel bad and depressed about? If you don't know what makes you happy... Then you are lost... No need for you to live anymore! Or is there? Isn't there a trillion reasons for you to keep living? Isn't there a million reasons for you to be happy? Isn't there at least one reason for you to love?
Just fucking stop it..... OK?

All i need is love... And if you give me love, I will give you everything.... Applies to everyone! I told you before.. When I love, I love 110%.... I know I shouldn't do that....
But I believe everyone deserves to be loved. And I have allot of love to give.

But I have learned that I can't give love to everyone... Yes I have been utilized, used, thrown in the garbage... Just because I wanted to love. So I learn.. I have learned not to love those who doesn't love me, show me love, are kind and nice to me, respect me and at least try to make me a bit happy...

And I love to make people happy, to help people... And yes, I have been utilized for that too.... Because I make people happy, and when they are happy, the don't need me anymore... I help people, and get nothing in return...

I know I'm not perfect... Far from perfect.... But I want to make the world around me a better place by making sure everyone that surrounds me are happy and live well...
And so I forgot myself again.... But.... If you are happy, I will be too.. I hope....
I have carefully selected those in my life, the close ones, for the way they are, their personalities, their abilities... And the way they love and care for me....
I LOVE YOU ALL!!! So deep from my heart.... <3

"All I wanted was to hear those words from you that only I could hear.

Those small whispers in my ear. 

Those three words that could change our lives forever.

I love you, please say you love me too... 

And I promise you that we will always be together, to the end of time."

I wrote this for you....

The weekend!

WOW how I hate tehcnology! But I love the ones who can fix it! Thuesday 2nd my computer died... For good.... (R.I.P) That's why I have'nt updated in a few days. But my lovely stepfather gave me a laptop!!!! Can you get how nice that is?!?! It's not a new one, but I don't care as long as it works. I'm really happy! I just had to leave it at a friends place for him to fix a few things on it.

Now let me tell you about my weekend!
Friday: Got to my Panda, aruing with his friends about which noghtclub we were supposed to go to. Desided on Göta Källare as planned at first. Met up with the others outside and got in. Almost empty.... But after a while there was more people there and we had allot of fun! Me and my Mary almost got in a fight and hardcore danced all night lon.. Well untill my body told me how old I really am.....

Lucas, Panda, K, me and my Mary! <3

But the best thing about Friday was when I got to sheck my mail on Pandas computer and saw I got a mail from a lady who wanted to trade her 3 room appartment in Bagarmossen (Stockholm) to my 2 roomer here in this little town! She actually want to live here AND her 3 roomer is 150 SEK sheeper than my 2 roomer!!! Do you get that? I get a room more and pay less!!! :D
Now I just have to find a job, like RIGHT NOW!
I picked on guys... But that you will read more about in Saturady's story!

And Saturday.. Oh dear I wanted to take it easy, see a movie and just relax... We went for a "Fika" (Typical Swedish thing apparantly.. Coffee and some cake..) Panda got tired and went home to sleep. Me and K stayed in town and waited for Whifie (My whife) and went to see a move. Saw Paranorman in 3D. I don't like 3D, it makes my eyes and head hurt.... But the movie was good, really funny some times!

Then we went to another nightclub, Amnesia. We were all tired but I had a fun time. I was just thinking a little too much.... I'm so stressed right now... Oh and yeah, I was picking on guys, but not to get laid or anything.. I was looking for a job! haha! Not even out having fun I can relax....

Today Sunday.. Woke up with a weird mood... Felt really tired all the time, almost fainted when blowdrying my hair... I went to rest on the sofa and fell asleep for a while. I woke up after a few minutes and got up to get ready, felt really week, lay on the sofa again... Panda came home from the store with energy drinks for me. <3 We got in the car to go get my computer at his friends. I was talking and happy... But suddenly I started to cry without ant reason.. It just.... The tears was just flowing... I put my self together, fell asleep again in the car a few times, but when we almost got to the bus station I started crying again. I didn't want to leave Panda. Not when I felt this way... All I wanted was to be hugged. Not to be alone.

When I got home the cat had peed on my slippers and I got so mad!!! It was rage!! I threw the cat out (Gently) and threw the slippers in the washing machine, mopped the floor and sat down to install my computer. Then Daughter got home and I felt calm again. Now I'm really tired, but I'm affraid to sleep. Don't know why...

Maybe I need to sleep soon... Just have to fix a few more things on the computer.

Pai pai!

Today!

I hate technology.... The TV-antenna is broken so I have no channels, the computer has some malfunction in the system files and my trusty old phone is acting up... I had to stress-pay my bills today, and restart the computer in the middle of it...

Today we visited Tindras->fathers->girlfriends->sister (rigid aunt?) in the hospital. She got happy to see Tindra again and Tindra got happy to see her! :) I really hope she gets well soon! One of the nicest persons I know, doesn't deserve being ill... GET WELL SOON A!! <3

Today I will dye my hair! Maybe there will be photos if it goes well... ;)

Dazzling?

Just heard that SHINee's new Dazzling girl music video that is about to be released in a few days, is out! What I think about it? Well I love SHINee! I really do, but I think SM is destroying their image and their personal sound.. The only thing I liked about the song was the Key/Minho rap part! And I don't even like rap that much! And the video...? Onew is cute as always! That's all I can say about the video.... Please bring back that sweet, innocent boy band group that SHINee used to be !! PLEASE SM-Entertainment! PLEASE!!

Here is the video! I think... (It's hard to try to copy HTML when it's in Japanese!!)

Well Ok the HTML was wrong/didn't work, so here is a LINK to the page... Take a look!!

Click the LINK text or on the picture to get to the video page!