Long time no see!

Long time ago since I last wrote something in here.... But who cares right? ;)

I feel I have to write down some stuff right now. So much have happened since the last post.
Daughter is doing fine in school! She loves math and I'm very proud of her, only being 6 years old and doing math on her free time.
I'm still with my Panda boy! I love him very much! But we are still living apart and still standing on the same spot that we begun with. Me living in my place with my daughter, he living over there at his place, I'm visiting him when i get the time.... It's hard!!
I still don't have a job... And it sucks! So tired of this now. I went to school for about 3 months, got an internship where they said I might get to work extra. They never called...
I got a job at a coffee shop and after two days working the boss said I sucked and had to quit! That wh*re... I was doing good, but she had something against me from the start...
Then I got another interview and it went fine! Everything sounded so good. I was supposed to come and try a few days out. But 2 weeks after the interview I got a TEXT, a Saturday night at about 8 in the evening, saying they had lost an important client and couldn't hire me.

And now I'm so tired and hurt from all this I don't even know if I want to work anymore..... Well, I do want to work, but it's hard to get to the point to actually apply, in fear of getting rejected or being told I suck again.

So I was thinking about studying again, this time for real. About four years in college to become a preschool teacher. It will mean lots of loans to pay back later and living in poverty, but that I'm used to now. I thought I didn't want to become a preschool teacher, because of the heavy lifting, the loud environment and the monotone workdays. But when I get to work extra at the preschool and the kids come running screaming my name and giving me hugs, it's totally worth it!

I'm now building up my confidence again and my strength to actually pic up the phone and dial the number to the career counselors before it's too late. And to apply for more jobs. Because right now I'm feeling like I'm in a deep dark hole and can't get out.... Someone please throw me a ladder or a rope to climb!!

Or i might cuddle up in the darkness and only speak with the demons in my head forever on....

What a depressing post! But it's almost Christmas and I will be spending it with the people i love the most, but not all at the same time. The day before Christmas I will go see my grandmother, Christmas will be spent with my mum, her husband, my uncle and of course my lovely daughter! Maybe we will go see my dad in the evening too, and my siblings, and grannie. And the day after we might visit Panda if he got the time.

Tomorrow Daughter and I will go and donate some teddy bears to the sick and poor children in other countries. We have so many and they need them more than we do! And in the same time we will visit my mother at work.

Trying to stay positive!!

Merry X-mas!!

School anxiety and money!

Wednesday May 15.
My precious daughter had her first induction day at her new school! She was so nervous she had stomach pain, poor thing! :) But it was just an introduction with the teachers and kids and it went super. We spent an hour playing with the kids (My old kindergarten kids!) outside on the yard afterwards. Then we went home, made some snacks and went to the playground. Met a friend and a mother of some kids there and we spent an hour talking about horses and dogs! haha!
In the evening Daughter was very angry for no reason and she talked back to me, she have never done this before! And so I asked her if she thought if felt hard staring school and "being a big girl" and she totally collapsed.... Started crying hysterical and said she was sad cause she would miss one of  her best friends N and she was worried about maybe forgetting about her.... But N is the daughter of my cousin, and I promise they will meet at least twice a year! ;) And more! The she finally fell asleep as a happy girl.

Thursday May 16.
Got my money today! FINALLY!! Payed my bills that were late at midnight before I went to bed with an eased heart. Woke up with new energy and booked hotel for the Poland wedding. Really sheep!! 988 SEK/148 USD/ 115 Euro (About that), 3 nights and 2 persons. AND!!! We get a double bed!! :D It's close to Warsaw and the wedding ceremony. And yes Panda will pay me half of it.

Link to hotel!! It's in Swedish!

And today I finally could afford to refill my makeup stash. Feels good to be able to look good again and not like a teenager that fell in a makeup box! xD And soon I will pick up Daughter and go to the store. My poor cats have had to pee in their old pee for a week now... :( And that have resulted in peeing on my bed cover.. Again.... Just washed it 4 days ago....

And tomorrow I will get new kitchen cabinets!! Yeay!! :D

Well now I have to go! Shopping shopping!

BAAAII!!!// Teri

Swedish celebration, Asian style!!

My neck is hurting so much right now.. This morning I got "stuck" with my arm up and when I tried to move it hurt like 100 knives shoved into my neck! I tolerate pain quite well, but this time I cried....

I don't like my life right now. Ever since work practice ended everything that could go wrong or trouble me- have... Tomorrow I'm having a meeting and I also have to cancel my dental appointment and find out where my money have gone to....

Me, this Monday. Before everything started!

In Sweden (and some other European countries) we celebrate something called Valborg.I think it's called Spring folk festival in English. It's a tradition from back in Germany where someone became a saint and the the Christians became witch hunters and burned witches on the stake. And yeah that's what we are celebrating... But nowadays it's a celebration of spring. Well, anyways....

Yesterday I went to my panda for some Fried Rice Asian party (Very Swedish, I know!) and I had a blast! My feet didn't hurt and I took a painkiller that actually worked so that my neck didn't hurt. I danced and had a fun time with my friends and my love. Met some new crazy people and it was very very hot although I didn't have much clothes on!!! But it was fun! :D

Me and my Panda!

And yes I have high heels on that's why I'm so frickin' tall! My legs look sexy in high heels... ;) seeexy!!! I had my cute little skort on! :D I really liked it!! Cuuuute! And seeeexy... ;)

And I have to put up a picture taken of us last summer, when we had just met and went to Skansen Zoo in Stockholm. I was so shy then! haha! And it tells in the picture! But you can also see... I was in love already! ;) Right?

L.O.V.E

Yeah I like to play with the pictures!! ^_^ But now I have to stop writing cuz my neck is killing me and I have to go to bed...

Pai!! //Teri

I'm still ALIVE! I'm still ALIVE!!!!

YEAY! I don't have to shoot myself!! :D I have the best brother in the world I tell ya! THE BEST!!
If I hadn't had such a wonderful brother I would have to sell my kidney on the black market (Trust me, I would do it!!) cause I HAVE to see them!!!

Now I have to start saving money! I already have.... *counting* 50 Sek... That's 1/7 of the plane ticket to go there! ;)
We leave on Friday and I will get back on Sunday (Even thou it's a more expensive ticket that day, the others go home on Monday with a cheaper ticket!) because I have "work" on Monday and I have to get home to Tindra.... Feels a bit... Like burning in my wallet, but I have to! I don't need to eat when I'm there.... Maybe some cheap bread or something,... haha!

Apparently my plane ticket will cost 1024 Sek just because I go home on Sunday.... :( The others will pay about 801 Sek to go home on Monday...

SO My dear family and friends reading this.... What I want for (EARLY) X-mas present is MONEY for traveling and food! Nothing else!!

I got stuck looking for hostels.... Any tip where you can live very cheep in London?!?!? Give it to me!! :)

Have to go eat something,... Again.. ;)

PAI!!!

I will go shot myself now!

I think I will go shoot myself right now... My friends are planning and happy on Skype and I can just sit there and read it all and cry....
Big Bang ins coming to London and I have no money... BIG BANG!!! It's like a dream come true! if I get to see them I can die happy... I will never ever ask for anything else in my whole life! Damnit I would even sell my own mother to see them!! (yes I have told her that...) But... The ticets are 1000 Sek and are released on the 26th.. I get 1247 Sek on the 27th... Yeah I'm fucked and even if I got the money on the 26th I cant feed my daughter for a month... I can gladly starve for 2 months to be able to see them, but she can't....

It was nice talking to you and knowing you all.... I have to go find a gun now.. Bye....