Romantic crap! I love that shit!!

Happy new year!
Or... New year at least.... 2014 started with a major depression. I feel better now, but still a bit depressed....

I... The one who always said that marriage is bogus, love never lasts, love is fake, love is just a mix of hormones in your body.... I have been crying over proposal videos on YouTube all afternoon!! And some wedding videos too! I... Who absolutely, definitely, never ever would get married, have already planed my wedding into the smallest detail!
From the dress (almost!) to the songs that will be played! And with who????

I don't think I will ever get the romantic fantasy wedding of my dreams..... Because Panda isn't very romantic, at all, and a bit too selfish too... ;) He would make it HIS day! haha! IF we ever get married at all....
But I can't see my self marrying anyone else.... I didn't even want to get married before I met him!!

But things go too slow... Too many things are in the way and stuff happening, minds changing, lack of money and other obstacles are in the way of us even moving in together, so marriage is out of the question, just a dream... A far far far away dream....

Moving in together is a dream too? Being happy, it's a dream too? Well, depression..... Hello again and you are not welcome back!

Now my focus will be on my studies! My goal will be to finish. 4 years of studying! FIGHTING!!

Long time no see!

Long time ago since I last wrote something in here.... But who cares right? ;)

I feel I have to write down some stuff right now. So much have happened since the last post.
Daughter is doing fine in school! She loves math and I'm very proud of her, only being 6 years old and doing math on her free time.
I'm still with my Panda boy! I love him very much! But we are still living apart and still standing on the same spot that we begun with. Me living in my place with my daughter, he living over there at his place, I'm visiting him when i get the time.... It's hard!!
I still don't have a job... And it sucks! So tired of this now. I went to school for about 3 months, got an internship where they said I might get to work extra. They never called...
I got a job at a coffee shop and after two days working the boss said I sucked and had to quit! That wh*re... I was doing good, but she had something against me from the start...
Then I got another interview and it went fine! Everything sounded so good. I was supposed to come and try a few days out. But 2 weeks after the interview I got a TEXT, a Saturday night at about 8 in the evening, saying they had lost an important client and couldn't hire me.

And now I'm so tired and hurt from all this I don't even know if I want to work anymore..... Well, I do want to work, but it's hard to get to the point to actually apply, in fear of getting rejected or being told I suck again.

So I was thinking about studying again, this time for real. About four years in college to become a preschool teacher. It will mean lots of loans to pay back later and living in poverty, but that I'm used to now. I thought I didn't want to become a preschool teacher, because of the heavy lifting, the loud environment and the monotone workdays. But when I get to work extra at the preschool and the kids come running screaming my name and giving me hugs, it's totally worth it!

I'm now building up my confidence again and my strength to actually pic up the phone and dial the number to the career counselors before it's too late. And to apply for more jobs. Because right now I'm feeling like I'm in a deep dark hole and can't get out.... Someone please throw me a ladder or a rope to climb!!

Or i might cuddle up in the darkness and only speak with the demons in my head forever on....

What a depressing post! But it's almost Christmas and I will be spending it with the people i love the most, but not all at the same time. The day before Christmas I will go see my grandmother, Christmas will be spent with my mum, her husband, my uncle and of course my lovely daughter! Maybe we will go see my dad in the evening too, and my siblings, and grannie. And the day after we might visit Panda if he got the time.

Tomorrow Daughter and I will go and donate some teddy bears to the sick and poor children in other countries. We have so many and they need them more than we do! And in the same time we will visit my mother at work.

Trying to stay positive!!

Merry X-mas!!

School anxiety and money!

Wednesday May 15.
My precious daughter had her first induction day at her new school! She was so nervous she had stomach pain, poor thing! :) But it was just an introduction with the teachers and kids and it went super. We spent an hour playing with the kids (My old kindergarten kids!) outside on the yard afterwards. Then we went home, made some snacks and went to the playground. Met a friend and a mother of some kids there and we spent an hour talking about horses and dogs! haha!
In the evening Daughter was very angry for no reason and she talked back to me, she have never done this before! And so I asked her if she thought if felt hard staring school and "being a big girl" and she totally collapsed.... Started crying hysterical and said she was sad cause she would miss one of  her best friends N and she was worried about maybe forgetting about her.... But N is the daughter of my cousin, and I promise they will meet at least twice a year! ;) And more! The she finally fell asleep as a happy girl.

Thursday May 16.
Got my money today! FINALLY!! Payed my bills that were late at midnight before I went to bed with an eased heart. Woke up with new energy and booked hotel for the Poland wedding. Really sheep!! 988 SEK/148 USD/ 115 Euro (About that), 3 nights and 2 persons. AND!!! We get a double bed!! :D It's close to Warsaw and the wedding ceremony. And yes Panda will pay me half of it.

Link to hotel!! It's in Swedish!

And today I finally could afford to refill my makeup stash. Feels good to be able to look good again and not like a teenager that fell in a makeup box! xD And soon I will pick up Daughter and go to the store. My poor cats have had to pee in their old pee for a week now... :( And that have resulted in peeing on my bed cover.. Again.... Just washed it 4 days ago....

And tomorrow I will get new kitchen cabinets!! Yeay!! :D

Well now I have to go! Shopping shopping!

BAAAII!!!// Teri

Photos! New update!

I don't know why I don't update on weekdays. Maybe it's not fun enough? ;)
I don't have anyone to tell things about since no one is reading my blog! ;)

Anywhore....
Thursday May 9.
Went to my mother for some fun-time! Daughter played with the neighbors kid and painted a picture. I did too paint some! It was fun! And we found a toad to pet and instead of a daughter I got a Ninja Turtle Jr! ;)

TMNT!! <3 ^_^

It's nice that she have the same sense of humor as the others in my family! ;)

Friday May 10.
Went into Stockholm with my little princess to see the Sakura/Cherry blossom in Kungsträdgården. She was supposed to go to my mum/grandmother and she nagged about going there instead of trying to have fun in Stockholm. But when we met up with my friend N and she got ice cream she got happy!

Me and the sakura flowers!

The most beautiful thing in the world!
The only thing I managed to do right in my life! :') <3

When I dropped of Daughter with her grandmother I went out for After Work Beer with N. It was really nice in the sun. And warm! We talked about allot of stuff, mostly about Love! I need to find him a girlfriend!! ;)

Beer with my Brother/friend! AW!

When he went away I went home to my Panda. He was away and I had to wait. I got cold and tired so I went to bed. Woke up when he jumped in front of me! haha! Had a really bad headache and he said we were to go to to his friend. I thought "Oh dear, this is going to end in a party" and boy was I right! Luckily I know him and put on some fancy clothes.

Panda also bought a new car! Audi TT something. It's like a wet boy dream.... ;) he is so proud and happy about it. I tease him about it but I'm happy for him too! It's a nice car!!

My baby's' new toy! ^_^

But we took the car to his friend and had some drinks. Well his friends and I had some drinks. Panda drove.
Then we went to town for some party. Got let in on the side by the guards like V.I.P! haha! Danced and had a fun time together!

Party!!

OH! And Panda and I got invited to his friend's and his girlfriend's WEDDING! Finally a wedding and not a funeral! The problem is... It's in Poland.... Expensive traveling.... But a wedding! Have to look for a dress! hihihihhiiiii!!! Fun fun fun hand so happy for them!!

Saturday May 11.
Went for a PW that ended up being just a walk and subway riding. ;) But it was nice in the sun and at least I had a fun time (Singing and dancing and being silly while he was complaining! haha!)
Then we spent the rest of the day sleeping, eating and cuddling in the sofa. Well we took a ride in the car for a while before we went home, made some dumplings and went to bed.

Sunday May 12.
Today Panda needed to do some work at the restaurant and we went there before I had to go home. On the subway he took sneaky pictures of me, sent them to me and wrote "You are a hag, but a very pretty hag!" HAHA! Tanks allot love... ;) In Swedish it was "Du är en kärring. Mycket snygg kärring!"

Dork!!

I look like a dork in the photo! haha! Totally lost in my phone watching the NEWS actually. About the kidnapper in Cleveland. Creepy man... Little Fritzl Jr... Haha! Naah that was mean... Fritzl was a really mean man! He looked mean!!
We got to the restaurant and he started working, preparing stuff for tomorrow when it opens again. I helped by just standing/sitting/walking around there. ;) I'm such a helper! But he still made me sushi before I had to go home!
Got home to mum and Daughter and Daughter had gotten new stuff, a jacket, shoes, Hello Kitty hair strands and shorts. So Daughter was happy! We got home and had sushi. She doesn't like sushi, but Panda made tofu- and avocado sushi for us. And she ate it!! Now I'm really tired.
I think my apartment is an energy thief.... I always get drained out of energy and get headaches whenever I get home....

Now I have to clean up some...

 Love// Teri

Update!!

Friday May 3.
Went up really early to work 3 hours. Got home to sleep some more before I left Daughter with her father.Went to Stockholm and met up with some friends. We got to a restaurant (even thou I can't afford.. But should I just sit and watch while everyone else eats and be hungry?!?!*Cry*) called Jensen's Böfhouse and had steak. it was good and nice to talk and hang with friends. Then I got home to my Panda and fell asleep... Haha!

Saturday May 4.
Panda had to go run some errands with his family and I went to town to help my "brother from another Vietnamese mother" find a blazer. Went to every store in town, even went to Nacka Forum (a big mall) and there we finally found it. He bought me lunch and then we went home to his place. He just moved to Stockholm and I had to see where he lived. he lived next door to a friend of mine! haha! Panda came too when he was done and we went to a beach and played around with ice cream, sand and a "toy car" in a playground!

Yes ladies! He is single!! ;)

Goofy love = real love!! <3

Then Panda and I went home for some dinner and cozy time in the sofa. I had a blast that day! I love my brotha and I'm in love with my Panda so much! I don't think you can love someone that much! ^_^

Sunday May 5.
Went to a place in Stockholm called Fredhäll and sat on the rocks watching the ocean and the boats passing by. Really nice, except for the ind blowing, like a minor storm! haha!

My love for the ocean will always be true! ^_^

So will my love for you! <3

Unfortunately I was a bit moody and left in a bad mood. But it got better after a few texts from panda! :)

Monday May 6.
Did nothing at all..... Well I applied for an education! :D Yeay me!! And had dinner at my mum again! :D

Tuesday May 7.
Daughter went to kindergarten and I went to a friend for some coffee and some nice talk. Long time ago! Then I got home and got Daughter and we spent some time outdoor in the really nice weather! Warm today! After getting some energy by the sun I had really much energy to clean the apartment! It's really nice now! :)
And time flew by. Now I have to work out a bit and then go to bed!

Pai!! //Teri!

Swedish celebration, Asian style!!

My neck is hurting so much right now.. This morning I got "stuck" with my arm up and when I tried to move it hurt like 100 knives shoved into my neck! I tolerate pain quite well, but this time I cried....

I don't like my life right now. Ever since work practice ended everything that could go wrong or trouble me- have... Tomorrow I'm having a meeting and I also have to cancel my dental appointment and find out where my money have gone to....

Me, this Monday. Before everything started!

In Sweden (and some other European countries) we celebrate something called Valborg.I think it's called Spring folk festival in English. It's a tradition from back in Germany where someone became a saint and the the Christians became witch hunters and burned witches on the stake. And yeah that's what we are celebrating... But nowadays it's a celebration of spring. Well, anyways....

Yesterday I went to my panda for some Fried Rice Asian party (Very Swedish, I know!) and I had a blast! My feet didn't hurt and I took a painkiller that actually worked so that my neck didn't hurt. I danced and had a fun time with my friends and my love. Met some new crazy people and it was very very hot although I didn't have much clothes on!!! But it was fun! :D

Me and my Panda!

And yes I have high heels on that's why I'm so frickin' tall! My legs look sexy in high heels... ;) seeexy!!! I had my cute little skort on! :D I really liked it!! Cuuuute! And seeeexy... ;)

And I have to put up a picture taken of us last summer, when we had just met and went to Skansen Zoo in Stockholm. I was so shy then! haha! And it tells in the picture! But you can also see... I was in love already! ;) Right?

L.O.V.E

Yeah I like to play with the pictures!! ^_^ But now I have to stop writing cuz my neck is killing me and I have to go to bed...

Pai!! //Teri

Oh the stupidity!!!!

I am watching "Cops" and "Speeders" on TV and it amazes me how stupid people are!

First: Why do drugs at all? And if you have to do drugs, why do you take the car and brake traffic regulations and get caught for both?
Second: Why do you try to run when you have been caught? I have never ever heard of someone getting away after getting caught! Ever! And trying to run while cuffed? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?!?!
Third: Trying to lie about not having anything on you... They will search you!
Forth: Why!?!?! WHY!?!?!?! Why do you even do things like this?

I get if you are poor and need to get money, but there is other ways.... I'm not the riches girl in the world.. But I don't steal, I don't do drugs, I don't do crime! But you know what? I fight! Not with my fists, but with my mind! My stubborn determent mind.

And "Speeders"... A bunch of teenage girls wearing no underwear, drinking beer in the car, getting pulled over and saying (Drunk as fuck): "Have I been a bad girl? Can I get a spanking instead of a ticket?" *FACEPALM* Or the ones that got away with a warning and still tries to argue about it....
 Oh the stupidity!!!!

Back to my reality....
I haven't updated in a while because I don't know what to say. In my last post I said life was all well and going forward. But as usual when I open my mouth the "shut you mouth and suffer bitch"- bomb drops on me!

But at least yesterday was a good day! The sun was shining, I was with my best friends and the love of my life (Yes he is!!) and we had a fun afternoon at the amusement park Gröna Lund in Stockholm! Me and Panda (Mostly Panda!!) are cowards and don't ride all the rides. I don't mostly because of my back and my heart.
Yeah I have a heart "problem". I have stress hormones around my heart that makes the nerves around it kick in and make the heart beat irregular and very fast/hard. Stress kills me and I'm stressed all the time....
Anyway... We had a fun time and Panda won a game slinging balls in a slingshot on a pile of cans! TWICE!! :D I'm such a proud Panda girlfriend! He got a large fabric flower with a smiley face! haha!
And this morning I didn't have to get up really early, so I could stay in bed till Panda woke up and had to go to work. We both wanted to stay in bed and cuddle. He is so cuddle friendly! haha! Soft and cozy! ^_^ Like a big baby!! hahahaha! Oh dear I love him!

And yeah my work practice is over... A bit sad, the kids are great and I will really miss them! And the personal too! I can only hope to come and work a bit now and then. And Daughter will be in that school so I will get to see them now and then! :)

Now I'm dead tired.... Have to wait for Daughter to go to bed... haha! Tomorrow she is going to a birthday party, my cousins daughter and Daughter's best friend! :) SOFA! Here I come!! ^_^

Pai!!//Teri