Romantic crap! I love that shit!!

Happy new year!
Or... New year at least.... 2014 started with a major depression. I feel better now, but still a bit depressed....

I... The one who always said that marriage is bogus, love never lasts, love is fake, love is just a mix of hormones in your body.... I have been crying over proposal videos on YouTube all afternoon!! And some wedding videos too! I... Who absolutely, definitely, never ever would get married, have already planed my wedding into the smallest detail!
From the dress (almost!) to the songs that will be played! And with who????

I don't think I will ever get the romantic fantasy wedding of my dreams..... Because Panda isn't very romantic, at all, and a bit too selfish too... ;) He would make it HIS day! haha! IF we ever get married at all....
But I can't see my self marrying anyone else.... I didn't even want to get married before I met him!!

But things go too slow... Too many things are in the way and stuff happening, minds changing, lack of money and other obstacles are in the way of us even moving in together, so marriage is out of the question, just a dream... A far far far away dream....

Moving in together is a dream too? Being happy, it's a dream too? Well, depression..... Hello again and you are not welcome back!

Now my focus will be on my studies! My goal will be to finish. 4 years of studying! FIGHTING!!

I heart life!

I have a great feeling about life right now! I think I have a plan of what to do with my life. Tomorrow I'm going to talk with a lady about a job during summer, I think I have decided to take the barista course in the autumn together with my bestie and then I will take another course to learn about how to become a receptionist/how to work with customer service. And if I can't get the summer job tomorrow, I will keep trying all summer. But I still have the plan for autumn! FIGHTING!!!
Finally some clarity in my life and it feels soooooooo goooooooood!!! Like a stone has dropped from my shoulders. I have never been this sure of anything.
And I'm happy in love, I have the sweetest daughter ever, the best of friends and the greatest family ever. How can I be so lucky!?  It feels too god to be true....

I want to show you some pictures. it's been a long time since the last ones.. ;)

My geisha princess with her Kimono from Japan.

3 of the best people in the world and a warm-bellied statue. 

Me today and my new YesStyle/Goodies "jacket" ^_^ 

Today Daughter and I had a nice day together. Fist we went to her swim class. She was so good. Then we went to my mothers house to have lunch. Afterwards we went to see a popular child/adult artist/singer called Sean Banan (Sean Banana). Daughter was very happy even thou we didn't see that much cause of all the people there. We also met up with her friend from daycare and her mother. We went together to a playground (Filled with snow and water!!). We talked allot while the kids were playing. It was nice, until the kids got all wet and cold and we had to get home. Now Daughter is coughing allot, I think her cold got worse. I was thinking about going home early tomorrow and stay home on Thursday so she can recover a bit. She is a fast recover.

I'm very thirsty.... And I have a headache... Drink some water and go to bed then!

PAAAAIII!!!// Teri

"New" apartment!! :D

Lots of stuff have happened this week! I haven't had time to write. Got back to "work" on Monday. On Tuesday the painter called me and said someone had canceled their renovation and they asked if I wanted my wallpaper already on Wednesday! Had to rush home and get tings ready, take down all the stuff on the walls and move furniture. My little brother helped me out! Got home on Wednesday evening and realized we can not live like this and asked my brother if we could sleep at his place with the cats. Only one cat came, the other one didn't even dare to come into the apartment!! Stupid cat... Had to stay out all night.. Got him in the day after.
Went to Panda on Thursday as usual. Got home on Friday and found out I've got a brand new apartment! At least it felt that way! Refurnished and got stuff ready. Today, Sunday my little brother came and helped me get stuff up on the walls again. I hate having concrete walls... Had to drill like a bazillion holes!!

Now my living room is 50/50 living room/bedroom! And it looks kinda good! I only would like a wall between the bed and the couch... Like a folding partition in rice paper, it would fit like a glove in here!! :D
I think I made a good choice on the wallpapers! Looks really good! I'm sorry but I don't have any photos yet. I haven't had time to take any in daylight. Mum and her husband and my brothers came here today for coffee and when they left I was exhausted!!

The cats have adjusted I think and Daughter says it feels like we have moved to another place! haha! And yeah, it kinda does. It doesn't feel like a worn down apartment anymore. It's fresh and clean! And whole!! No wallpaper rolling off the walls!! haha! All I have to do now is wait for the kitchen cabinets and the benches to come, but for that I'll have to wait at least two months...

Have to get to bed now and watch "The walking dead" so I can have freaky zombie dreams again.. ;)

Oh and I love my brother for helping me out! Without him I wouldn't have made it!! <3

Pai pai!! // Teri

FUCK!!!!!

If you love someone, you have to let them go. Isn't it so?
Tomorrow it's been 6 months with Panda. And maybe 6 moths is all we get...? I don't want to be the one who stand in the way of someones dreams or possibilities, and I won't. But my heart is screaming "I LOVE YOU!! DON'T GO!!"
He says I don't have to cry, it's not decided yet. But it feels like he is saying nice things and doing nice things just to keep me happy until he goes. Just yesterday I told my friend "I can finally see a future with someone, a future with him." And a few weeks ago I told another friend "I'm just waiting for that bomb to drop on me. The one that always comes when I'm happy and feeling good and in love." BOOM there it is...

I have been crying so much my T-shirt is wet... I just have to process this.... IF he goes, witch means we have to break up since I can't go with him, I will never ever be able to love again. Not for a very long time. That bastard really stole my heart.... Having marriage- and pregnancy dreams (HEY! I don't want to get married or have children. But I had a dream about it!) and being happy, both in the dreams and in reality when thinking about it. It never happened before. Fuck the dude just made me laugh for real for the fist time in a very very long time! I'm happy!! And now...

I'm not going to push him to stay, I'm going to encourage him. I don't want him to stay because of my own ego. But I hope he stays, that HE decides to stay on his own. I really do... I can't deny that. I will try not to unconsciously affect him, but since I don't want him to go, I probably will in some way....

Have to try to sleep now... Have to get up early..

Pai pai.... /Teri

:'(

We didn't get any tickets.... I wil cry like hell tonight.... I'm almost crying right now....
But... They might reease more tickets further on...
But, I don't know... Maybe I'll go buy some shoes instead...

OMG I just had a total Deja vu´ experience!! I have dreamed this, writing that exact words in this exakt apartment on this exact computer with this exact feeling!! Scary....

New shoes is needed....
I have cleaned Pandas kitchen and bathroom... I fogged up the window in the livingroom! haha! But now I don't have time to do more, he have to dom SOMETHING on his own... ;) I have to go home cleaning my own kitchen now! AND STUDY!! Haven't had any time for that.... -__-' Oh I will fail so hard!!

Have to go! PAI!!

And I danced...

Friday.. What a day! First I was a bit sad I couldn't go to the grand opening of Stockholm's first k-pop club (Playing only k-pop) but then I thought.. I would take a shot and see, texted my mum and asked if she could babysit, after a bit of persuasion she finally agreed! I WAS SO HAPPY! So Happy I went and bought her and her husband a pretty flower with chocolates! They are the best ever!! For real!! <3

I really feel I should put on my glasses because I can't see what I'm writing.. but I don't have the energy to go get them....

I dropped of Daughter at their place and went to Stockholm. My Panda didn't know I was coming, I wanted to surprise him! Went to my friend J for some pre-party with some wine and we was supposed to meet up with all the people there, but they got there mush earlier than us and got in before we even got there. Met my friend M in the line and stood with her and her friends, eventually we got first in line and....

Guard: "You have to wait for people to get out from here before we can let you in.."
My friend M: "But why? For how long?"
Guard: "I don't know... We have to save space for the people who have pre-ordered tickets..."
Me: "But.. So.. We can be standing here forever if no-one with per-bought tickets show up and no one goes out?"
Guard: "I'm sorry.. It's due to bad planning from the organizers."

Hell yeah it was! My friend M got in eventually and me and another friend had to wait about 10 minutes more before we got in. Almost 45 minutes in line.... AND i almost got busted!! I stood with my hood up trying to hide from Panda and his friends, but I got spotted I think, because he already knew I was there when I got in... Ruined my surprise!! But at least he got happy! :)
And we partied and bullshitted... Just kidding... American pop... But we danced and drank Hite beer (Korean beer) and danced a bit more until I was all dripping with sweat and so happy I was dizzy (Or maybe it was the beer, I don't know!). Went home with Panda and slept soooo goood! Except for some really strange dreams.... One was kinda scary!!

"We were on an airplane, I don't know where we were going, (We = My whole family and some friends) but it was a really big airplane. It was time for  take off and the plane started accelerating down the runway, lifted and started tilting. It got strait again, but after a few 100 meters above the ground the plane suddenly started falling, dropping! The tingling in the stomach, the fear of dying and every other feeling in that moment was so real! The plane landed flat down, slided down a big road hitting small houses, cars and was heading against big apartment buildings. One of the wings hit a big building and the plane started rotating, almost spinning, before it came to a stop with it's tale hanging out from a small cliff... Then I woke up." - The mind of Teri

I don't know what it means, but I feel it have some kind of meaning... Just have to figure out what.. Oh wait, I'll Google it!!

This is what my favorite dream intepretation page sais:
"For instance a crash landing can indicate problems ahead causing a difficult end to plans, projects or hopes. Taking off shows the beginning, the launch, the rising excitement of something you are doing, or somewhere you are going in life."

Wow.. So, a new beginning, happiness and then.. Failure, difficulties and endings.. Great... Sound like my whole life! haha!

Now I really miss Panda.... And I'm getting tired.. I have been fighting my stupid computer the whole evening and I lost... Have to try again tomorrow or give up and re-install Windows XP.. *Yeay*  I tried to pass time playing Final Fantasy on Playstation too, but I got GAME OVER after only 30 minutes.. I suck.. haha! Will try that again tomorrow too!
Well, off to bed! I hope they put up pictures from the k-pop club soon so that I can show you how drunk... I mean pretty I was!

Pai Pai!